some older poems

crime watch
------------

1.

a woman told police that
a bearded white male continues
to increase in size while
attempting to speak to her purse

police are investigating

2.

a clothes hamper complained
to campus police that it had
been knocked into a tub of
cheap beer when a woman
placed her jacket over her
ex-boyfriend and he stumbled
into the hamper causing it to
fall. the woman was later
removed from the men's
restroom.

the case remains open.

3.

in an unrelated miracle, 12 poets
were caught in tangents of random
violence which they blamed on
simple acne.